I've Already Told You About This

My roomie and savior Claire is Swedish. I like Swedish films. Especially when they're made by Roy Andersson.

Its okay if you don't know whether you should be giggling or not. Life on this big blue marble is a crapshoot, and you can laugh, or you can cry about it.

Check out his commercials too.

New York Has Made Me Smarter

As you can tell by my taste, I am far more refined now that I live in New York.

Running a Lot

I was at a whimsical Austin dinner party last night where one guest brought up Apocalypto. Her only comment was that it had a lot of running in it. It made her want to run five miles a day. Really? Not the fact that it is insanely violent? And brutal? And made by that crazy guy? Nope. Just the running.

New to Me Asian Flicks

Tomasz and I were thinking about watching an Asian film today (how racist) and these were what we came up with:

Chocolate

Don't bother. It's really really really bad, full of montages, and reminded me of a student film. In my defense, this was Tomasz' pick.

Ichi the Killer

I'm embarassed to admit that I haven't seen anything by Takashi Miike. This is definately THE NEXT movie on my list, especially since Suzanne said she dumped a guy for making her watch it. My interest is piqued.

Thirst

I've already seen this one, and it has quickly become one of my new favorites. Romantic in a warped and masochitic way (think Secretary with Maggie Gyllenhal).Thirst is the latest film from Korean director Park Chan-wook, who stole our hearts with operatic tales of revenge in Sympathy for Mr. Vengance, Oldboy (rent this one already), and Lady Vengance. Its a vampire movie, but Thirst concerns itself more with male and female emotional woes. Love is the worst thing to happen to anyone - and I totally agree.

Not Sunny, But Hot as Balls

Tomasz and I were gonna go to Hamilton Pool today, but without the sun, the whole trip looses its luster. Now we're thinkin about a movie date with the roomies. Splice, anyone?

I had no intention of seeing this movie, until I realized two things:

1. My other options are Robin Hood (no way Ridley- I'm not giving you any of my money), Prince of Persia (only at the dollar theater), and Iron Man 2. Let's be honest, its too late for me to see the latter.

2. Manohla Dargis recommended it. Not kidding. That's enough of a reason for me.

(We'll talk about whether or not she is supposed to be sexy and what the hell for later.)

PSA

Remember when your girlfriend made you watch that movie with Drew Barrymore and you knew you were never going to get back those two hours and all you could think about was how to secretly check your cell phone and how funny your facebook status updates are and how leaving the room would make it too obvious that you have far better taste than everyone?

You were Time Raped.

It wasn't your fault, and don't be afraid to talk about it.

Time Rape* belongs to Ben Slamka.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

For You

Overall, I'm glad that the success of this book is getting people to sit through a foreign film. At the theater. If you liked the book, the movie will be a bit of a let down (nothin' new for us book nerds), but there will be some semblance of tension. It's a bit of a ride to see exactly how the director chose to handle the sticky situations. I can't believe I'm saying this, considering how dedicated I am to the cinematic experience, but this one can be watched at home with the same result.

For Me

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is one long episode of "CSI Miami." The musical cues were crazy obvious (and totally laughable), way too much time was spent on emails, and I'm positive that the acting was terrible. The great thing about foreign films is that you USUALLY don't notice this since you're too busy reading and shit. Not the case here. Sorry dudes, but this movie is bad.

At the theater. Credits roll.

Ben: Well I couldn't tell what anyone was saying. Thankfully though that guy really knew how to shoot email. I always knew who was being sent and email, and who was recieving an email. Nice job on the email.

End scene.

Ondine

A movie with Colin Farrell and mermaids. Fuck yea.

Seriously though, I doubt this movie will be all that great, even though it is written and directed by Neil Jordan - who shocked the shit out of us with The Crying Game and made it bearable to watch Tom Cruise again in Interview with a Vampire.

But unfortunately, Mr. Jordan's latest movies The Brave One (Oh, Jodie) and Breakfast on Pluto were a complete fail.

Not to mention that the trailer for Ondine is awful awful awful. It's up to you, but I'll almost definitely see it and let you how much it sucked.

Crash of the Titanics

For You

A hot mess . Perfect for Easter weekend - silly visuals, giant mythic story ideas (which make no sense of course, but aren't required to since they center around Greek Mythology which most people know about two words of), and a little romance. And I mean little. At just under two hours (praise Jesus), Clash of the Titans is worth about ten bucks, but in all honesty its been out three days and is already dated. I promise you. See it now, meaning Sunday is last your chance, or at home with some grass and a bottle of wine. Just all of you promise me you won’t take this movie seriously. I am refusing to talk critically about it without laughing.

For Me

The guy from Avatar? Really? I am I the only one that thinks this is totally ridiculous? I'm supposed to love him, but hate his guts instead. Also, I now know that Greek Mythology is the answer to all writing woes. Why does black demi-god blood raise giant scorpions from the ground? Who cares! We’ll just distract the audience with a venom bite and short skirts on handsome men. And uh-oh, our backdrops are one dimensional paintings. Let’s make this movie 3D (that I now have to call regular movies 2D is making my hair fall out), so no one will be able to notice or focus on anything in particular. It’ll look awesome. And wait, the titans don't really clash with anyone. Its just Ralph Fiennes doing his "Voldemort" for two hours. I'd rather be watching Harry Potter. In fact, I'm watching it right now to make me feel better.

Sherlock Homes and Valkyrie were two movies that were trashy, but offensive to me. They didn’t trust their audience and assumed I was retarded. (Can I still use that word?) I wasn’t pissed off at Clash of the Titans and I am one hundred five million thousand percent sure that its because I have a sore spot for the Sci-Fi Fantasy genre. Listen to me: If you don’t really like period pieces or mythology this movie is going to rob you of two hours of your life. Watch it on TBS this fall for Christ’s sake.

I am putting the original on my queue right this second. Perseus is played by the guy from LA Law!

Barbe Bleue

Barbe Bleue Trailer

Can't wait to see this one in the theater. Its based on a French Fable and directed by my favorite, Catherine Breillat. Other movies of hers to check out:

The Last Mistress

Besides Head-On, this is my favorite film about love and marriage.

Fat Girl

The French title is To My Sister, don't ask me why they changed it for the states. This one is already on Criterion. Vite vite.

Romance

Seasoned film watchers only please. I don't need any hate mail.

Can You Tell I Hate the Oscars?

I found out the winners of this years Academy Awards via text message— working on a film, hanging out in a kitchen, waiting for my lighting cue. Not only did I want Kathryn Bigelow and the Hurt Locker to win everything, I had a systematic answer to why they would.

District 9: Nope. The Oscars went international last year. "Slumdog Millionaire was such a great film. And it was foreign!"

Up: Nope. Sorry y'all. We're still a few years away from giving Best Picture to a cartoon. (Even if it was a perfect one.)

Precious: Nope. Black Oscars just happened in 2002.

Avatar: No way. They can't reward Cameron for making the same movie again. He got his rocks off with Titanic. Boom. Done.

An Education: Nope. It's an actual foreign film, and we all know those are boring.

Blind Side: Sure. The Academy is going to throw away Best Picture on a "small independent" movie. Not happening.

A Serious Man: The Coen Brothers can do no wrong. The Academy can't give an Oscar to them every time they make a film.

Up in the Air: Nope. Too topical. Plus, I can't quite put my finger on the relationship between Clooney and Hollywood. All I know is that the time isn't right yet. (I know he didn't direct or write this one, but anything Mr. Clooney is in, is a Clooney project.)

Inglourious Basterds: No. I'm pretty sure the Academy has been goddamn frightened of Quentin Tarantino ever since they awarded him Best Screenplay for Pulp Fiction in 1994.

The Hurt Locker: The last man standing. It's the best movie made about the Iraq war to date, directed by a woman who has been making films (not always great ones) for over twenty years. Did you catch that? Directed by a woman. Which means it "signifies" something. The Academy couldn't resist.

Can you tell I hate the Oscars? I will admit I'm cartwheeling all over the place considering Ms. Bigelow and my favorite movie won, but it's all too easy to predict. If you want to get a feel for what the best movie of the year was, or better yet, a movie that represents what is happening in cinema at any given time, check out the Palme d'Or or the Golden Bear. In fact, make yourself a list from these awards. And I'm not afraid to smack you around if you don't.

Grey Gardens

Unlike anything I've ever seen. Besides that weird turn of the century footage of men hunting polar bears in the Arctic that Tomasz made me watch at the Gene Siskel Film Center. Or Cremaster. My life has been changed.

So many questions.