Blogger vs Tumblr in a Cage Match

I work with these super double awesome tweens and they have FORCED me to start a tumblr. Same name and everything (I'm still full of shit), just a new way to spread my rants on the interwebs.

Love,
Liar

More of a Montage than a History

A Brief History of Title Design from Ian Albinson on Vimeo.

Red Riding Hood

I can't even REMEMBER why in the world I watched Catherine Hardwicke's first film Thirteen - it must have been during my early movie adventures and I'm sure I was all "Its independent, which obviously means its important." Oh how much I've learned.

Thirteen showed some promise, but Ms. Hardwicke followed it up with The Nativity Story and then the teen masterpiece Twilight. I've seen the latter twice (yep) cause I laughed so hard the first time I saw it I needed an encore. My film buddie Erik even made me a birthday card with Edward and Bella perched on a tree. The fact that he ran super fast with her on his back was enough to make me pee my pants.

Point being, who the fuck keeps giving this woman money? And can we briefly talk about the fact that she may be a pedifile? I'm not being super serious here but she keeps making movies about young girls that have sex with weird beings or young girls that just want to have sex period. I can totally identify with this (I was giving it away for free at fifteen only no one wanted it), but there are better movies out there, better ideas even, that deserve this money. Check out Fat Girl if you wanna see what I mean.

Dogtooth

Change your life awesome.

Best movie I've seen this year.

Called everyone I know when I finished watching it.

Terrifying and amazing.

Red Riding

Meh? There were some gorgeous shots, but I never really got sucked in. Is this a hipster thing? People I really like and respect thought the world of Red Riding: In the Year of Our Lord 1974. I mean, Andrew Garfield is hot an all but I wanted to make out with him more after watching Boy A.

Heartbeats

For You

Pretty, touching, ridiculous and hilarious. Okay, not always hilarious but there are plenty of delightful moments that balance out the surprisingly sad and honest ones. Now that I've used every possible adjective, I think you should see it. If you're "into" film you'll like it, if you don't and just use movies to "escape" - yup you'll still like it. At the end of the day though its kind of a film for ladies and gays (can't imagine Tomasz or Ben being interested in it other than the fact its one giant homage to Truffaut and Goddard), so I guess this makes Heartbeats a date movie. Or a Miss Crystal party of one.

For Me

Enough with the slow mo! There's too much - but at the same time it signifies that the film is modern. French New Wave was too busy spazing about the jump cut to be bothered by excessive slow mo so I'll let Exavier Dolan get away this. Most of Heartbeats is spent recreating (although I hear Mr. Dolan denies this) our favorite movies from the past and in most cases I am infuriated and annoyed by this - I still can't justify the Fellini portion of I'm Not There - but all this recreation mixed with the story mixed with the soundtrack mixed with the cinematography makes this particular movie stand out. Not in the Oh Lord he's broken the mold kind of way - Mr. Dolan uses old methods to tell a modern story and I commend him for it. I liked the movie AND saw through it (its not even close to perfect) which usually says to me that the filmmaker is talented but still having fun and not taking himself too seriously. All I have to say is I can't wait to see his next film. Oh yea, and fuck the Oscars.

How to Talk to Me About Movies

So New Yorkers have failed me yet again (not trying to start shit, just keepin it real). Today, while on the Oscar's website reminding myself what a bunch of nincompoops were nominated, I realized that The Fighter was directed by David O Russel, who I have loved since Three Kings. Haven't seen that one yet? Don't let Ice Cube fool you - its a good movie. People kept saying, "Oh Crystal, you have to see The Fighter. Oh Crystal, Christian Bale is amazing in it. Oh Crystal, they did so much research to keep the movie true to real life." Guess what y'all? I don't care about actors. (Well maybe a few, but Christian isn't one of them.) If you want me to see a movie, tell me who the goddamn director is.

Clockwork Orange Anyone?

Only the first 50 seconds really. I've always been a little sore about the fact that college males age 18 to 21 were somehow able to claim A Clockwork Orange as their stoner manifesto. I think Clockwork is one of the better films of the seventies and that's coming from a woman who thinks Kubrick is a misogynist.

Pauline Kael about lost her mind when she saw it - glorifying violence and how this was the worst thing that could ever have happened to cinema. (What would she have said about Quentin Tarantino I wonder?) I, on the other hand, am a male viewer trapped inside a tiny white girl body, so this movie was a joy ride for me. The rest of this Lotus Flower hoo-ha? Not a joy ride.

Béla Tarr

A little too self indulgent for my taste. Try watching this instead: Silent Night by Carlos Reygadas.

Janus Films

Oops. Sorry. I meant Criterion, which is teaming up with Hulu. Wow. Double wow on this though. Thanks to Graydon Gordian, the newest edition to OR Books. We consider him awesome.

In the Future I Plan to Keep Better Notes

Red Riding

The Wrong Guy

A Prophet (Thankfully I saw this one. Absolutely fantastic)

Barbarian Invasions

Last Train Home

Danton

Dark City

My American Cousin

A list of movies I recently found hiding in my blackberry. Note to self: Good God woman put the name of the person you were talking to next to these things.

The Old Man and Me

I broke out the typewriter and wrote Gordon Lish a letter this week. We're going to see Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives at Film Forum in March. And you should too.

What Movie Was That Again?

Andree: What's that European boarder movie?

Me: Wait, tell me more. Boarder? As in snow?

Andree: No that one movie about eastern Europe. Its an action movie.

Me: District B13? Oh!!!!!! Eastern Promises!!

All I do is bully friends into seeing movies and three days later this is what our text messages look like. And by Eastern Europe she means Russia.

Tomasz and I watched this one in an empty theater that had a sofa for a front row. Which is where we sat and drank beer from the concession stand. Its worth seeing for the Turkish Bath scene, but that's about it. (Sorry y'all - I don't really care for Cronenburg. Still want to strangle Lisa Schwartzman for listing A History of Violence as the best movie of the year and dupping me into watching it. She's dead to me.)

This Is What Today Feels Like

When We Leave

I want to see this. Not playing in New York? What the heckburger...

Un, Deux, Trois

Guess what these three movies have in common? You're going to have to watch them before I give it away.

The Green Hornet

Michel Gondry directed The Green Hornet? That's it Michel. I'm erasing you. Meet me in Montauk.

Enter the Void

For You

Please don't just waltz into this film and get pissed about how it doesn't make sense and is two hours too long. Enter the Void, ladies and gentlemen, is an art film. It's been a while since I've seen one (a modern one at least), and I'm torn between telling everyone to see it, or saving it for the people who will appreciate it. Maybe a pop quiz would be best:

Have you seen one or more of the following movies?

1. Antichrist

2. Cremaster (pick a number)

3. Blow Up

Now, these movies are in no way similar to Enter the Void (sorry, nothing like it exists), but they share a common trait when it comes to pace and structure. If you were able to make it through the above, you are a perfect candidate for this one. And kids, this isn't a date movie.

For Me

So glad I saw it and yes Chad, you were right. That was by far the best title sequence I have ever seen. Enter the Void is visually amazing - that it somehow justified out of focus shots and a completely non-linear sequence (in fact that's not even the right word for the structure of this film) made it all worth while. This movie was like going to the symphony - it pushes you to a point where you're just about ready to space the fuck out, then it pulls you back in with a jolt. I'm pretty sure I screamed a few times. Although I didn't really care for the sister character, I'm not so sure we're supposed to care about any of them, and today I just feel depressed in thinking that all human beings want to do is have sex and do drugs until we die. Oh, and now I never want to go to Tokyo.

I'm tempted to give more of an explanation of Enter the Void, but I think this would ruin the experience for all of you. Just go see it. We can fight about it later.

Miss Crystal Party of One

Alright goofballs, enough dicking around. I'm going to brave the three hours of Enter the Void on Sunday. IFC Center first visit...

Sidenote: I saw Season of the Witch with Claire, Esther, and Chad on Monday. All I have to say is, "Time Rape." Really - it wasn't even bad in a good way like National Treasure or Van Helsing. Didn't really matter though cause the girls smuggled in awesome snacks and we giggled the whole way through.

Another Year

Shira and I had dinner at her great aunt's last night on the upper west side and her hilarious uncle said to me, "So you're into film? Well then what movie should I see right now?" My answer was Another Year by Mike Leigh. Just trust me on this. I don't want to babble or make you look stupid for not knowing who he is.

Leptirica

I'm on the hunt for this movie at the moment. Traditionally I'm strictly a New Yorker Magazine kind of gal, but OR Books now gets copies of Harper's and I snagged one to read on the train home. Leptirica kept the author hiding behind her couch (it's a vampire movie) so I'll either find out she's a wimp, or buy her next book. The future is in your hands Téa Obreht.

Untamed Heart

Oh yea. This is happening. Shira's in town this week and we're gonna drink wine, watch a trashy romantic movie, and talk about our husbands. I mean lovers. Oh, nevermind. I've seen Untamed Heart before, but I was like thirteen and obsessed with Christian Slater at the time. I'm sure my second viewing will be a little (ahem) different. One more thing, what's the deal with this bitchin' movie poster? When I rented the thing the cover looked like this...

PS Marisa Tomei is one of the movie stars I've served San Pellegrino to at Antique Garage.

Fish Tank

I was really struggling to remember what my favorite film was in 2010 - I've somehow managed to only see blockbusters since I moved to NY. (What gives?) Thankfully The New York Times reminded me that Fish Tank came out last January and I loved it. Tears. And I adore Michael Fassbender for playing such a douche bag.

Head-On

Since I spent New Years Eve with Turskish friends, I thought it would be appropriate to re-post about my favorite Turkish Film Head-On. It's by far the most romantic, beautiful, depressing movie I've ever seen. Really - I was messed up for a few days after this one. Messed. Up.

Distant (also Turkisk) was recommended to me yesterday so I'm adding it my queue. Anyone seen it?